?What are some of the ways in which you show kids that mom and dad need time alone, without feeling guilty about any of it??
A journalist, writing articles on having time alone and couple time when you have kids, asked me this question.
Parents will feel guilty only once they believe that they’re doing something wrong by spending time alone and couple time without their children.
That is a false belief.
The simple truth is that children mature far healthier emotionally when their parents are happy and fulfilled, even if it means that their parents spend less time using them. When parents understand that they’re being good parents by talking loving care of themselves and their relationship, their children will understand why.
A proven way of helping children understand why is to introduce the concept of ?time alone? very early in a kid?s life. By the time a child is three, he or she can easily understand the idea of time alone. If, every time you spend time alone together with your child, you say, ?This is our time alone,? your child will begin to understand the idea. When you have time to yourself, you can say, ?That is my time alone with myself.? When you spend time with your partner, you can say, ?This is Dad and mom?s time alone together.? Parents can tell their children, when they are with the capacity of understanding the words, ?We need time alone with you, with one another, and with ourselves. Most of us have to respect this about each other.?
Our three children fully understood the concept of ?time alone? because we spent time alone with each them. They found understand and respect at an extremely young age the need for time alone.
If you put yourself aside and don?t spend time with yourself and with your lover, you are giving your children unhealthy role modeling. You’re teaching them that others are always in charge of meeting their needs. You’re teaching them to feel entitled to your time and attention instead of helping them learn to respect others? time. You are teaching them that it is okay to demand that others put themselves aside for them, which may create narcissistic behavior.
Healthy parenting means finding a balance between being together with your children, being with your partner, and being with yourself. For your children to cultivate up taking responsibility for their own needs and feelings, they need to see you taking responsibility to your requirements and feelings. Constantly sacrificing Your reputation24 for your children will not role model personal responsibility.
Children have to experience you as well as your spouse enjoying your time with one another, along with with yourselves. They have to see you pursuing your work, hobbies, creativity and passions to be able to understand that they also need to find their passions. For anyone who is always there to meet your kids?s needs, how can they discover who they are and what brings them joy? Always being there to meet your children?s needs for entertainment creates a dependency on others instead of finding these resources within themselves.
Many people grow up being unsure of how exactly to be alone with themselves. Since they were either always before a TV or being entertained by their parents, they never discovered how to ?play by themselves.?
Of course it is very important to have plenty of time alone with your children. But it is equally important to have enough time alone with your spouse and with yourself. When you understand this, you’ll stop feeling guilty about taking your time and effort alone. When you no more feel guilty, your children will learn to stop guilting you and respect your needs.